I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
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i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
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you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I need to calm my uterus...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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