Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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