I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
You did what with his pubic hair?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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