She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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