I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
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By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
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I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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