Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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