i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize