i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize