Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
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Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
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Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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