I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She's like a pop up book from hell.
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If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
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Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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