I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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