put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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