all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
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Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
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didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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