Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
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My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
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I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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