I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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