If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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