You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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