i permit you to call me
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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