We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
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I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
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6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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