Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize