I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I think I died a long time ago.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
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I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
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He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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