please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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