So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
So. Much. Porn.
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