I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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