Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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