no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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