how can u be prego again
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize