I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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