could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize