A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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