there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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