is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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