I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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