I just pynch a tree in the face
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize