I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
