She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize