god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
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