you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize