He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
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just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
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I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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