he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize