So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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