im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
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aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
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I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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