my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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