I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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