I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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