im so drunk with asians
where?
always
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize