we're chasing vodka with high fives
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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