I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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