I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
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My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
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I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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