if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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