I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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